TLDR:
Your attention to your phone impacts the people around you. Being on your phone is showing the person you're with that you'd rather be elsewhere, that they aren't worth your attention, and if that's what you mean then just say so.
I've worked for hours on this and can't find a way to shorten it or improve it - so here goes...
I'm a mental health therapist, and had an appointment with my mental health therapist today via telehealth. I had noticed in a couple previous sessions that he would text, and today it was so frequent and so overwhelming for me that I finally mentioned it (go assertive communication practice!).
He's a great therapist when he's present, & has helped me figure out some things that I was too close to see, and for whatever reason(s) he couldn't hold that space today. The therapy contract is for the client to be vulnerable and the therapist to have unconditional positive regard to support a safe space for that vulnerability, and it's a kick in the teeth when that process explodes.
And I do the work in therapy! Myself - I love it when the client is able and willing to do work and it's exciting to see that change happening in front of me. I'm immensely grateful to be a part of that process for the client. Only this time, the question seemed half-heartedly asked and the vulnerability jolted to a repeated stop by therapist looking down at his phone and frowning. And then the thump of the phone as he put it down when he realized I'd stopped talking mid-sentence - again. I feel bad for advocating for myself and being calmly assertive when I just want to break down and cry since this very behavior playing out in front of me is a huge part of what I'm working on in therapy to begin with.
I'm grateful I've come as far as I have in doing my hard work, facing the demons, working on compassion for myself and trust in others. If I hadn't come that far.... if I hadn't been a therapist myself... if I hadn't known that there are people out there who can hold space and/or forewarn that something is off... if I hadn't been doing well this week & non-suicidal... This experience makes me even more vigilant of my part in the process & of my impact when I'm on my phone.
When you've made plans with someone - an appointment, or date, or hangout - it really is rude to be on your phone instead of interacting with them. Being on your phone is showing the person you're actually with that you'd rather be elsewhere or with someone else, that they aren't worth your attention. If you can't put the phone down long enough to form a coherent sentence or realize someone's feelings are getting hurt, there's a problem. And it's becoming a devastating thing for people in this country as we shrink how much we care for one group of people after another. What impact are you having, and what are you going to do about it?
Here's a great video worthy of a repost, and repost, and repost.... Cell phone addiction - Short Movie - YouTube
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